MALICE IN MEMPHIS MYSTERY WRITERS GROUP
CONGRATULATES the WINNERS of the
2018 Hit Me with Your Best Shot
Compelling Openings Award
 
FIRST PLACE
Freeze on Me by Robert Bear
 
SECOND PLACE
Damn Vampires by Robert Bear
 
THIRD PLACE
Private Kupchak by Daniel Cordera
aka Daniel Reece
 
Honorable Mentions
Justin Siebert & Megan Marcellini
 
Thanks to all who participated!
Stay tuned for our next contest…

​Malice in Memphis would like to thank those who entered our first, but not last, Hit Me with Your Best Shot Opening Page Contest.

We asked you to throw your first five-hundred words into the ring, AND YOU DID! You stunned Malice with a 10-count. The entries so compelling, the competition so fierce, evaluating was compared to a blow below the belt. But we’re not down for the count. Oh, no. With a little bob and weave, our preliminary panel of judges rolled with the punches until the final bell, selecting the five finalists who now move forward into the final round, judging by Dark Oak Press & Media Managing Editor, Allan Gilbreath.

Those finalists in no particular order are:
 
Will Fall by Megan Marcellini
Freeze on Me by Robert Bear
Restoring the Old Chevelle by Justin Siebert
Damn Vampires by Robert Bear
Private Kupchak by Daniel Cordero aka Daniel Reece
 
Congratulations to the finalists! Winners will be announced by June 15, so stay tuned.
Again, thanks to all who braved our first contest, but keep watch. Another match will be announced soon. If you didn’t place this time, don’t give up. Keep writing and enter the next round!
​
Kristi Bradley, President
Malice in Memphis Mystery Writers Group

  Good morning, fellow scribes. We are now entering the final lap of the 2018 Hit Me With Your Best Shot Writing Competition. The competition ends in seven days and I know there are a few of you scrambling with last minutes edits and polishes.  We’re rooting for you and can’t wait to get hit by your best shot.

Today’s post may give you the extra boost that you need to make your opening shine.

Story structure? Check. Character arcs? Check. Plot holes filled? Check, check.

Now, you want to take another pass through your opening, using your FIND/REPLACE function, to identify those words that criminally fail to engage your reader or bogs down your narrative voice.

First example: FILTER WORDS

Remember the earlier post on Show vs Tell? The following words represent some of the major culprits that drag your writing into TELL-mode and make your writing overall, messy. Avoid using in any tense of these root words.

SEE, LOOK, HEAR, KNOW, REALIZE, WONDER, DECIDE, NOTICE, FEEL, REMEMBER, THINK

These words filter the experience rather than allowing the reader to immerse herself in your story and experience it on her own.

Lucy felt the cold air against her skin and decided it was too late to leave.
Compare to:
Cold air pressed against Lucy’s skin. Too late to leave now.

Notice how the word count went down. *just saying*

Next example: THAT

If the sentence makes sense without this word, eliminate it.

It was easy to see that the dog was hurt.
Compare to:
It was easy to see the dog was hurt. OR The dog was hurt.

OF is another overused word, as in all of the. The only thing this word adds is a higher word count. It adds nothing to your message and the sentence works just fine without it. Delete it.

REALLY AND VERY

We use these words in our everyday, real life speech for punch and emphasis but in prose, it weakens storytelling.
Instead of very happy, try delirious.

I am definitely ratting myself out with the next one:
Adverbs, -ly words. *See what I just did?*

Think of adverbs as Chanel Parfum: a little goes a long way.

START or BEGIN:

I’m from the south and the next crime, on the surface, doesn’t seem to be a deal breaker to me, given how my speech is peppered with: I’m finna or fixin’ to.

But telling your reader what’s about to happen weakens the immersive experience you’re trying to achieve.

The boy began to cry. VS The boy cried. Or better still: Tears welled in his eyes.

These are just a few examples of crimes against good writing. You’ll want to avoid them as many as possible in order to escape the punishment of the slush pile.
​
What are some of your most overused words?

. . . or research it!
Are you familiar with the subjects covered in your manuscript? The old adage, write what you know, has merit. But if you don’t know much about a subject, take the time and do the research. Don’t rely on what you’ve seen on TV or heard from friends.
     There is plenty of information available at public libraries or over the internet. You could conduct an interview with someone knowledgeable about your subject or experienced in the field you are writing about.
     One component of self-editing is to perform a final fact check. Verify your information and double check your sources. If you are basing your characters’ actions on fictitious scenarios and are aware you are doing so, that is fine. You might consider an author’s note that explains that creating your fictitious town, mountain range, lake, historical personage, etc. was necessary to your plot. However, basing your characters’ actions on scenarios you believe to be true, but haven’t researched, can pose a big threat to the integrity of your story.
     Discovering that you’ve made your characters act on information that has no basis in reality at this point can force you to change your plot line, which could throw your whole story out of whack.
     Also keep in mind that your characters should only think about and talk about what they know, or they’ll need to research it, too. A run-of-the-mill kindergarten teacher probably doesn’t have the knowledge or skills to disarm a nuclear bomb. A lawyer shouldn’t have the knowledge or skills to remove a tumor.
     Finally make sure that you use words appropriate to the era in which your novel is set and that you verify the definition of words because they change over time. Many dictionaries will give you a short etymology of the word in question. Both the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary and the Oxford English Dictionary list the approximate dates that words were first used.
                  Painting the Paper Canvas/Christopher and Spence
     One last thing, if you can go to someplace that is in your novel, i.e. racetrack for a racing novel, police station for police procedural novel etc., then do it. This will give you a new perspective on your story and how to write it. Also, if you aren’t sure about where to go, check out similar places and call to see if you can set an appointment and ask who you need to talk to. Be sure you tell them you are writing a novel, and you would appreciate the opportunity to talk to those who may be able to help you with your story. This is a good time to have your synopsis ready so that you can explain what your book is about.
Be respectful and polite. Ask permission if necessary and don’t get your panties in a twist if they say no. It can happen. Find an alternative. Good luck.
Juanita Houston, Author, Editor for Dead to Writes.

​Welcome back to Part 3 in our discussion of Show VS Tell. You can find Part 1 here and Part 2 here.
​
1.   Check the first two or three pages of your manuscript. Is there a log of white space? Plenty of dialogue? Or do you have block after block of narrative summary? Chances are, if you don’t see a lot of white space, you are telling.
2.   Re-read what you’ve written. Highlight passages where you have narrative summary or information dumps.
3.   Are you summarizing events or dialogue in which your characters participated, either as the story unfolds or before the story begins? If so, get a blank sheet of paper or open a new computer file and convert those summaries into scenes of action and dialogue. You might not use them in the final draft, but you will have them ready if you decide you need them.
4.   Highlight “Telling Words.” Telling words act as red flags. When you find one in a sentence, you are probably telling readers what you want them to know, rather than showing. Telling words are felt, had, heard knew, know, looked, saw, show, thought, was, watched, were, etc. Run your word processing program’s “Find” function and search for telling words. Or scan your manuscript pages for these telling words and highlight them or circle them.
5.   As you get through some of the lessons that have been in the newsletter or on this blog, you should have a good idea of how to change telling sentences into showing sentences. The highlighted or circled words on your manuscript will help you find these week sentences when you do your final revision. See the examples below for a brief explanation of how a search for telling words can help you identify weak writing.​

A telling sentence.

     Cassie saw the bird catch its dinner.

The word saw is a telling word. It’s your clue that the sentence isn’t showing. Now, not only is this a telling sentence, it is full of vague nouns, which something we’ll cover at another time. To make it a showing sentence you might say:

     Cassie followed the bird’s descent as it plunged downward, then soared skyward with its dinner dangling from its beak.

Here is another example of telling:

Bill was tired after his run to the corner and back.

The word tired expresses a state of being and is the clue that you are telling. Other “state of being words” are happy, sad, and hungry. Here is the same sentence edited to show the action:

After he sprinted to the corner and back, Bill leaned over, put his hands on his knees, and gasped for breath.

In this revised example, we do not tell you that Bill was tired. We show you that by his actions.
​
Remember that showing is part of the infrastructure of good writing. We hope most of the techniques offered through these lessons will help you learn how to draw your reader into the story by showing - not telling- how your characters act, think and speak.

​Remember, the clock is ticking. Malice is accepting submissions to the Hit Me With Your Best Shot writing competition until 11:59p May 1. 

​Submit today!

Point of View aka POV is the perspective from which the story is told. Which POV to use will depend on how you want to tell the story.

First Person POV is used when the main character narrates events using the pronouns I and me. In this POV the reader only knows what the main character knows. Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum novels are an excellent example of First Person POV.
First Person Peripheral is a supporting character telling the story, but still uses the pronouns I and me. This character is close enough to events to describe them, but distant enough to interpret their meanings. The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald is a wonderful example of this POV.

Second Person POV is when the narrator speaks directly to the reader using the pronoun you. Second person is not that common in genre fiction. It is used mostly in technical manuals and how-to books, however, Tom Robbins uses second person in his fiction and has been very successful with that point of view.

Third Person Point of View has three layers. In this POV the use of pronouns he, she, it or they are most prevalent. This POV is used in both fiction and nonfiction. It is the most flexible and widely used point of view and adds a sense of objectivity to the story as the events and facts unfold on their own. The narrator is all-seeing - the god of the story, if you will. Here is a breakdown of Third:
1. Third Person Limited - means the POV is limited to only one character's viewpoint. Similar to first person, the reader only knows what that character knows. The Harry Potter novels by JK Rowling uses this POV.
2. Third Person Multiple - allows the narrator to follow multiple characters in the story. This can be a challenge to make sure the reader knows when you are switching viewpoints. I suggest you make the switch obvious with section breaks or by starting a new chapter when switching. Game of Thrones by George RR Martin is a fine example of multiple POV.
3. Third Person Omniscient - is the most widely used POV - and if you are a new writer, I suggest starting with this point of view. The narrator knows EVERYTHING, knows things that others don't, can make comments about what's happening, and can see inside the minds of other characters. Jane Austen's books are written in this point of view so she can convey what the ensemble cast knows outside the main character.

Here are a few common POV mistakes to watch for...consistency of use - if you select a certain POV, stick to it throughout. Stay consistent.

Do not give inanimate objects a point of view.

Watch for head hopping or two POVs in one paragraph.

I hope this helps! You still have 29 days to submit your opening of 500 words or less to the Malice Compelling Openings contest. Good luck!

Kristi Bradley, President
Malice in Memphis Mystery Writers Group

          Wow, here we are again. Time for some more Show don’t Tell.  Starting from where I left off last week. We are going to cover a few things like narrative summary, action/interior monologue and why showing is important. Let’s get started.
SHOW DON’T TELL – Part 2
     Anywhere you have narrative summary that reveals a major plot twist, try to convert it to a scene.
     This is another example of telling:
      Bill was cold. He was hungry. He had been abandoned by his parents and huddled in the doorway of the downtown mission. Soon the volunteers would unlock the doors and Bill would be allowed inside. He would be warm and he would get something to eat.
     This next example converts the passage into an action/interior monologue scene where we show what Bill is thinking and feeling:
   Bill shivered. His stomach rumbled. How much longer did he have to wait? He peered through the mission’s grimy front window. Inside, volunteers prepped the food line, set up tables and piled blankets on cots. He blew out his breath and stamped his feet. Soon.
    In the first example, we tell you that Bill his cold and hungry. In the second example, we never once write the words cold or hungry, yet you know Bill is suffering because he shivers and his stomach rumbles.
   Also, in the first example, we tell you details about Bill that aren’t necessary to the story at this moment. You don’t need to know that his parents abandoned him or that once he gets inside he will be warm.
    In the second example, the reader can write another showing scene, in which Bill goes inside the mission, eats, gets his cot for the night, and interacts with other characters.
    Remember, action and dialogue scenes show your readers what is happening in your story. Passages of narrative summary tell your readers something you want them to know. In general, showing is better than telling.
        Why is Showing Important?
1.      It involves your readers in the story.
2.      It quickens the pace of your story.
3.      It creates sympathy for the characters.
4.      It adds emotion.
 
    I am going to stop here this week so that I don’t break up the next section, which will be about “How Do You Show and not Tell?” Hope you enjoy this segment and that it helps.
 
    Thanks to Barbara for allowing me to use parts of her book, Painting the Paper Canvas: A Self Editing Guide. It was written in 2003 by Kenlyn Foster Spencer and Barbara Christopher. I keep mine at my desk for times when I need it.  See you next week.
 
Juanita Houston
Secretary/Editor: Dead to Writes: A Malice in Memphis Newsletter.
​

Angelyn invited me to write this week’s blog on the topic Show, Don’t Tell.
         I’m borrowing from the book, Painting the Paper Canvas by Barbara Christopher and Kenlyn Foster Spence. I’ve been pulled information from this book for the newsletter with Barbara’s permission. Hopefully this will help those that struggle with this. I’m splitting this up over several weeks, so bear with me.
Show, Don’t tell.  – Part 1
I’m sure that beginning writer has heard it: Show, Don’t Tell. If you aren’t familiar with this “rule” it means that stronger, more effective writing is writing that shows the reader what you want o him to see in his mind’s eye, rather than telling the reader what he should see in his mind’s eye.
         Most self-editing strategies work to maximize this principle. In fact, every topic we cover from here on will have the “Show, Don’t Tell” principle at its core.
         In commercial genre fiction, stories usually develop through:
                   1. Action scenes
                    2. Dialogue Scenes
                   3.  Introspection/interior monologue scenes
                   4.  In narrative summary.
         Action and dialogue really “show” the reader what is happening in the scene. Even introspective/interior monologue can move the story forward.
         While narrative summary can convey details necessary to your story, it does so by telling rather than showing. Long blocks of sentences indicate that you are telling. Highlight these paragraphs. We’ll come back to them later and work them into scenes.
                                                      *****
         Bill was out of breath, He as Cassie had raced to the corner and back to see who was the fastest. He lost and now he would have to buy her dinner.
                                                      *****
         This paragraph doesn’t show the reader anything. It just tells or summarizes the sequence of events. Here is an example of the same information converted to an action scene:
         Bill bent forward, rested his hands on his thighs and forced oxygen into his lungs.
         His friend clapped him on the back. “What were you thinking? I warned you Cassie held the women’s Olympic sprint record.”
        “I know,” he managed to say around his gasps. Of course, that hadn’t stopped him from making the bet that he would win the race. As the loser, he was obligated to buy her dinner-and that was exactly what he’d wanted all along.
         First, we “show” Bill out of breath. Not once do we “tell” you he is out of breath. We know he lost the race, as a consequence, he must buy her dinner. But wait, in his interior monologue, we learn that he wanted to lose. This gives the reader a little more insight into Bill’s character.
         What are the consequences of his actions? Hopefully, the reader wants to know. This is how a scene pulls the reader into the story – it involves you, both on an intellectual level and a visceral level. You are invested in the story because you have seen the action as it occurred in a scene.
Next Monday will be Part 2. Come check it out.
​

Throw your characters right in the middle of the action. Don’t keep your readers waiting.

​Y'all have heard this advice in many writing craft articles. While I get the point - the advice is trying to steer new writers against Dark and Stormy Night style openings - but if we take this advice literally, we risk losing readers.

Opening with car chases, explosions, violent death . . . yeah, exciting but . . .

Why should the reader care?

The reader knows nothing about the people involved. While there may be an emotional reaction, will it be enough to sustain the reader beyond the first scene? Remember, the reader is at the point where she is trying to decide why should I keep reading?

Besides, if you start too high, chances are, your story has only one place to go from there.

Down.

A compelling opening starts the story the scene before the action. Check this example:

Your loner character is walking down the street, he cares for no one and nothing. He stumbles over a broken piece of sidewalk; the ground opens up and he literally crashes through to another world. He discovers that he is the one and only person in this new world with the skill set to save the world. Can he give up his loner ways?

This is the opening to Lee Child’s first Jack Reacher story, The Killing Floor

I was arrested in Eno’s diner. At twelve o’clock. I was eating eggs and drinking coffee. A late breakfast, not lunch. I was wet and tired after a long walk in the rain. All the way from the highway to the edge of town.
The diner was small but clean and bright. Brand new. Built to resemble a converted railroad car. Narrow, with a long lunch counter on one side and a kitchen bumped out back. Booths lining the opposite wall. A doorway where the center booth would be.
I was in a booth, at a window, reading somebody’s abandoned newspaper about the campaign for a president I didn’t vote for last time and I wasn’t going to vote for this time. Outside, the rain had stopped but the glass was still pebbled with bright drops. I saw the police cruisers pull into the gravel lot. They were moving fast and crunched to a stop. Light bars flashing and popping. Red and blue light in the rain drops on my window. Doors burst open, policemen jumped out.
 
Both examples above start with a character, raises questions, makes you wonder, and creates a foreshadow or sense of foreboding. They also give the Call to Adventure that starts the story. Now you can hit your readers with action.
 
For a clever and concise example of how to write the call to adventure: check here gordonnapier.com/heros-journey/
 
To make your opening pop:
·         Give your reader someone to care about
·         Start the action before the action
·         Clearly reveal your call to action
 
What are some of your favorite examples of the perfect opening?

Last week, Kristi introduced the 2018 HMWYBS writing competition by sharing some Do’s to writing a compelling opening.

This week, I want to focus on a few of the common Don’ts.

The opening paragraphs, the opening pages should be an invitation, a promise, a question or an unproven idea. It baits the reader and compels them to keep turning pages.

How do you accomplish that?

Here are 4 common mistakes you want to avoid:

Info dumping:

One of the more commonly agreed upon Don’ts is info dumping. That’s when you fill the reader in on everything – the day she was born, what he had for breakfast that morning. . . that incident in the third grade that scarred him for life.

Readers don’t need to know how characters got to the point they’re at. Not in the beginning. They want to piece the story together on their own. Give them bite size hints and let them put the character’s past together in their own time.

Exposition is a story killer. Don’t do it. Especially in the opening.

Just don’t.

Long descriptions of the killing streets of Memphis. The thump of your dog’s tail, the rhythmic beat of a metronome. Or your character reflecting on life, thinking about their current or past situation, or contemplating doing certain activities.

Some of this is necessary but only after you have hooked your reader into your story.

Failure to start the story in the right place:

You’ve heard the advice: start with action. The execution of that advice is a little tricky.

That doesn’t mean car crashes, blowing things up or killing a bunch of people.

You have to start with a character. Give your reader an opportunity to bond with somebody. Get them into your story, make them care before throwing the character into action. Without depth of character and without context, an action scene right off the bat feels shallow.
…and I’m probably going to close the book.
 
A good story begins not with action but the scene before the action.

One way of making your opening active is through dialogue.

Boring Dialogue

Dialogue is one of the key factors to creating a hook that makes your opening pop. It grounds the reader in the action and informs about the character.

Dialogue is the easiest, fastest way to get to know your characters. No exposition or backstory needed.

Dialogue allows you the opportunity to develop a unique voice for your characters. It changes pacing, creates conflict and deepen the reader’s connection to the story.

It should be short and snappy and NOT BORING.

Writing Craft 101

Nothing screams amateur like:

Clichéd openings – It was a dark and stormy night.

Overused phrases: It’s only a matter of time. The calm before the storm. Curves in all the right places. Try fresh and unique ways to express emotions and descriptions.

Also, use as few adjectives as possible: were you really bored to painful death?

Use strong verbs: why use “know” when you could “discover”?

Overly descriptive language:  
 
Nadine prayed the airbag would save her, her generous mouth opened in a scream, her periwinkle blue eyes fixed in horror on the ocean below, her auburn hair, thick and luxuriant, streaming behind her, her elegant, long legs braced for the crash.
 
Simple is better and packs a helluva punch. Nadine braced for the crash.
 
The 2018 Hit Me With Your Best Shot Writing Competition is underway. We are accepting submissions through May 1, 11:59 central time.
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What are other suggestions that you’ve used to help your opening pop?