Wow, here we are again. Time for some more Show don’t Tell.  Starting from where I left off last week. We are going to cover a few things like narrative summary, action/interior monologue and why showing is important. Let’s get started.
SHOW DON’T TELL – Part 2
     Anywhere you have narrative summary that reveals a major plot twist, try to convert it to a scene.
     This is another example of telling:
      Bill was cold. He was hungry. He had been abandoned by his parents and huddled in the doorway of the downtown mission. Soon the volunteers would unlock the doors and Bill would be allowed inside. He would be warm and he would get something to eat.
     This next example converts the passage into an action/interior monologue scene where we show what Bill is thinking and feeling:
   Bill shivered. His stomach rumbled. How much longer did he have to wait? He peered through the mission’s grimy front window. Inside, volunteers prepped the food line, set up tables and piled blankets on cots. He blew out his breath and stamped his feet. Soon.
    In the first example, we tell you that Bill his cold and hungry. In the second example, we never once write the words cold or hungry, yet you know Bill is suffering because he shivers and his stomach rumbles.
   Also, in the first example, we tell you details about Bill that aren’t necessary to the story at this moment. You don’t need to know that his parents abandoned him or that once he gets inside he will be warm.
    In the second example, the reader can write another showing scene, in which Bill goes inside the mission, eats, gets his cot for the night, and interacts with other characters.
    Remember, action and dialogue scenes show your readers what is happening in your story. Passages of narrative summary tell your readers something you want them to know. In general, showing is better than telling.
        Why is Showing Important?
1.      It involves your readers in the story.
2.      It quickens the pace of your story.
3.      It creates sympathy for the characters.
4.      It adds emotion.
 
    I am going to stop here this week so that I don’t break up the next section, which will be about “How Do You Show and not Tell?” Hope you enjoy this segment and that it helps.
 
    Thanks to Barbara for allowing me to use parts of her book, Painting the Paper Canvas: A Self Editing Guide. It was written in 2003 by Kenlyn Foster Spencer and Barbara Christopher. I keep mine at my desk for times when I need it.  See you next week.
 
Juanita Houston
Secretary/Editor: Dead to Writes: A Malice in Memphis Newsletter.
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Angelyn invited me to write this week’s blog on the topic Show, Don’t Tell.
         I’m borrowing from the book, Painting the Paper Canvas by Barbara Christopher and Kenlyn Foster Spence. I’ve been pulled information from this book for the newsletter with Barbara’s permission. Hopefully this will help those that struggle with this. I’m splitting this up over several weeks, so bear with me.
Show, Don’t tell.  – Part 1
I’m sure that beginning writer has heard it: Show, Don’t Tell. If you aren’t familiar with this “rule” it means that stronger, more effective writing is writing that shows the reader what you want o him to see in his mind’s eye, rather than telling the reader what he should see in his mind’s eye.
         Most self-editing strategies work to maximize this principle. In fact, every topic we cover from here on will have the “Show, Don’t Tell” principle at its core.
         In commercial genre fiction, stories usually develop through:
                   1. Action scenes
                    2. Dialogue Scenes
                   3.  Introspection/interior monologue scenes
                   4.  In narrative summary.
         Action and dialogue really “show” the reader what is happening in the scene. Even introspective/interior monologue can move the story forward.
         While narrative summary can convey details necessary to your story, it does so by telling rather than showing. Long blocks of sentences indicate that you are telling. Highlight these paragraphs. We’ll come back to them later and work them into scenes.
                                                      *****
         Bill was out of breath, He as Cassie had raced to the corner and back to see who was the fastest. He lost and now he would have to buy her dinner.
                                                      *****
         This paragraph doesn’t show the reader anything. It just tells or summarizes the sequence of events. Here is an example of the same information converted to an action scene:
         Bill bent forward, rested his hands on his thighs and forced oxygen into his lungs.
         His friend clapped him on the back. “What were you thinking? I warned you Cassie held the women’s Olympic sprint record.”
        “I know,” he managed to say around his gasps. Of course, that hadn’t stopped him from making the bet that he would win the race. As the loser, he was obligated to buy her dinner-and that was exactly what he’d wanted all along.
         First, we “show” Bill out of breath. Not once do we “tell” you he is out of breath. We know he lost the race, as a consequence, he must buy her dinner. But wait, in his interior monologue, we learn that he wanted to lose. This gives the reader a little more insight into Bill’s character.
         What are the consequences of his actions? Hopefully, the reader wants to know. This is how a scene pulls the reader into the story – it involves you, both on an intellectual level and a visceral level. You are invested in the story because you have seen the action as it occurred in a scene.
Next Monday will be Part 2. Come check it out.
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Throw your characters right in the middle of the action. Don’t keep your readers waiting.

​Y'all have heard this advice in many writing craft articles. While I get the point - the advice is trying to steer new writers against Dark and Stormy Night style openings - but if we take this advice literally, we risk losing readers.

Opening with car chases, explosions, violent death . . . yeah, exciting but . . .

Why should the reader care?

The reader knows nothing about the people involved. While there may be an emotional reaction, will it be enough to sustain the reader beyond the first scene? Remember, the reader is at the point where she is trying to decide why should I keep reading?

Besides, if you start too high, chances are, your story has only one place to go from there.

Down.

A compelling opening starts the story the scene before the action. Check this example:

Your loner character is walking down the street, he cares for no one and nothing. He stumbles over a broken piece of sidewalk; the ground opens up and he literally crashes through to another world. He discovers that he is the one and only person in this new world with the skill set to save the world. Can he give up his loner ways?

This is the opening to Lee Child’s first Jack Reacher story, The Killing Floor

I was arrested in Eno’s diner. At twelve o’clock. I was eating eggs and drinking coffee. A late breakfast, not lunch. I was wet and tired after a long walk in the rain. All the way from the highway to the edge of town.
The diner was small but clean and bright. Brand new. Built to resemble a converted railroad car. Narrow, with a long lunch counter on one side and a kitchen bumped out back. Booths lining the opposite wall. A doorway where the center booth would be.
I was in a booth, at a window, reading somebody’s abandoned newspaper about the campaign for a president I didn’t vote for last time and I wasn’t going to vote for this time. Outside, the rain had stopped but the glass was still pebbled with bright drops. I saw the police cruisers pull into the gravel lot. They were moving fast and crunched to a stop. Light bars flashing and popping. Red and blue light in the rain drops on my window. Doors burst open, policemen jumped out.
 
Both examples above start with a character, raises questions, makes you wonder, and creates a foreshadow or sense of foreboding. They also give the Call to Adventure that starts the story. Now you can hit your readers with action.
 
For a clever and concise example of how to write the call to adventure: check here gordonnapier.com/heros-journey/
 
To make your opening pop:
·         Give your reader someone to care about
·         Start the action before the action
·         Clearly reveal your call to action
 
What are some of your favorite examples of the perfect opening?

Last week, Kristi introduced the 2018 HMWYBS writing competition by sharing some Do’s to writing a compelling opening.

This week, I want to focus on a few of the common Don’ts.

The opening paragraphs, the opening pages should be an invitation, a promise, a question or an unproven idea. It baits the reader and compels them to keep turning pages.

How do you accomplish that?

Here are 4 common mistakes you want to avoid:

Info dumping:

One of the more commonly agreed upon Don’ts is info dumping. That’s when you fill the reader in on everything – the day she was born, what he had for breakfast that morning. . . that incident in the third grade that scarred him for life.

Readers don’t need to know how characters got to the point they’re at. Not in the beginning. They want to piece the story together on their own. Give them bite size hints and let them put the character’s past together in their own time.

Exposition is a story killer. Don’t do it. Especially in the opening.

Just don’t.

Long descriptions of the killing streets of Memphis. The thump of your dog’s tail, the rhythmic beat of a metronome. Or your character reflecting on life, thinking about their current or past situation, or contemplating doing certain activities.

Some of this is necessary but only after you have hooked your reader into your story.

Failure to start the story in the right place:

You’ve heard the advice: start with action. The execution of that advice is a little tricky.

That doesn’t mean car crashes, blowing things up or killing a bunch of people.

You have to start with a character. Give your reader an opportunity to bond with somebody. Get them into your story, make them care before throwing the character into action. Without depth of character and without context, an action scene right off the bat feels shallow.
…and I’m probably going to close the book.
 
A good story begins not with action but the scene before the action.

One way of making your opening active is through dialogue.

Boring Dialogue

Dialogue is one of the key factors to creating a hook that makes your opening pop. It grounds the reader in the action and informs about the character.

Dialogue is the easiest, fastest way to get to know your characters. No exposition or backstory needed.

Dialogue allows you the opportunity to develop a unique voice for your characters. It changes pacing, creates conflict and deepen the reader’s connection to the story.

It should be short and snappy and NOT BORING.

Writing Craft 101

Nothing screams amateur like:

Clichéd openings – It was a dark and stormy night.

Overused phrases: It’s only a matter of time. The calm before the storm. Curves in all the right places. Try fresh and unique ways to express emotions and descriptions.

Also, use as few adjectives as possible: were you really bored to painful death?

Use strong verbs: why use “know” when you could “discover”?

Overly descriptive language:  
 
Nadine prayed the airbag would save her, her generous mouth opened in a scream, her periwinkle blue eyes fixed in horror on the ocean below, her auburn hair, thick and luxuriant, streaming behind her, her elegant, long legs braced for the crash.
 
Simple is better and packs a helluva punch. Nadine braced for the crash.
 
The 2018 Hit Me With Your Best Shot Writing Competition is underway. We are accepting submissions through May 1, 11:59 central time.
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What are other suggestions that you’ve used to help your opening pop?