Good morning, fellow scribes. We are now entering the final lap of the 2018 Hit Me With Your Best Shot Writing Competition. The competition ends in seven days and I know there are a few of you scrambling with last minutes edits and polishes.  We’re rooting for you and can’t wait to get hit by your best shot.

Today’s post may give you the extra boost that you need to make your opening shine.

Story structure? Check. Character arcs? Check. Plot holes filled? Check, check.

Now, you want to take another pass through your opening, using your FIND/REPLACE function, to identify those words that criminally fail to engage your reader or bogs down your narrative voice.

First example: FILTER WORDS

Remember the earlier post on Show vs Tell? The following words represent some of the major culprits that drag your writing into TELL-mode and make your writing overall, messy. Avoid using in any tense of these root words.

SEE, LOOK, HEAR, KNOW, REALIZE, WONDER, DECIDE, NOTICE, FEEL, REMEMBER, THINK

These words filter the experience rather than allowing the reader to immerse herself in your story and experience it on her own.

Lucy felt the cold air against her skin and decided it was too late to leave.
Compare to:
Cold air pressed against Lucy’s skin. Too late to leave now.

Notice how the word count went down. *just saying*

Next example: THAT

If the sentence makes sense without this word, eliminate it.

It was easy to see that the dog was hurt.
Compare to:
It was easy to see the dog was hurt. OR The dog was hurt.

OF is another overused word, as in all of the. The only thing this word adds is a higher word count. It adds nothing to your message and the sentence works just fine without it. Delete it.

REALLY AND VERY

We use these words in our everyday, real life speech for punch and emphasis but in prose, it weakens storytelling.
Instead of very happy, try delirious.

I am definitely ratting myself out with the next one:
Adverbs, -ly words. *See what I just did?*

Think of adverbs as Chanel Parfum: a little goes a long way.

START or BEGIN:

I’m from the south and the next crime, on the surface, doesn’t seem to be a deal breaker to me, given how my speech is peppered with: I’m finna or fixin’ to.

But telling your reader what’s about to happen weakens the immersive experience you’re trying to achieve.

The boy began to cry. VS The boy cried. Or better still: Tears welled in his eyes.

These are just a few examples of crimes against good writing. You’ll want to avoid them as many as possible in order to escape the punishment of the slush pile.
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What are some of your most overused words?

. . . or research it!
Are you familiar with the subjects covered in your manuscript? The old adage, write what you know, has merit. But if you don’t know much about a subject, take the time and do the research. Don’t rely on what you’ve seen on TV or heard from friends.
     There is plenty of information available at public libraries or over the internet. You could conduct an interview with someone knowledgeable about your subject or experienced in the field you are writing about.
     One component of self-editing is to perform a final fact check. Verify your information and double check your sources. If you are basing your characters’ actions on fictitious scenarios and are aware you are doing so, that is fine. You might consider an author’s note that explains that creating your fictitious town, mountain range, lake, historical personage, etc. was necessary to your plot. However, basing your characters’ actions on scenarios you believe to be true, but haven’t researched, can pose a big threat to the integrity of your story.
     Discovering that you’ve made your characters act on information that has no basis in reality at this point can force you to change your plot line, which could throw your whole story out of whack.
     Also keep in mind that your characters should only think about and talk about what they know, or they’ll need to research it, too. A run-of-the-mill kindergarten teacher probably doesn’t have the knowledge or skills to disarm a nuclear bomb. A lawyer shouldn’t have the knowledge or skills to remove a tumor.
     Finally make sure that you use words appropriate to the era in which your novel is set and that you verify the definition of words because they change over time. Many dictionaries will give you a short etymology of the word in question. Both the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary and the Oxford English Dictionary list the approximate dates that words were first used.
                  Painting the Paper Canvas/Christopher and Spence
     One last thing, if you can go to someplace that is in your novel, i.e. racetrack for a racing novel, police station for police procedural novel etc., then do it. This will give you a new perspective on your story and how to write it. Also, if you aren’t sure about where to go, check out similar places and call to see if you can set an appointment and ask who you need to talk to. Be sure you tell them you are writing a novel, and you would appreciate the opportunity to talk to those who may be able to help you with your story. This is a good time to have your synopsis ready so that you can explain what your book is about.
Be respectful and polite. Ask permission if necessary and don’t get your panties in a twist if they say no. It can happen. Find an alternative. Good luck.
Juanita Houston, Author, Editor for Dead to Writes.

​Welcome back to Part 3 in our discussion of Show VS Tell. You can find Part 1 here and Part 2 here.
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1.   Check the first two or three pages of your manuscript. Is there a log of white space? Plenty of dialogue? Or do you have block after block of narrative summary? Chances are, if you don’t see a lot of white space, you are telling.
2.   Re-read what you’ve written. Highlight passages where you have narrative summary or information dumps.
3.   Are you summarizing events or dialogue in which your characters participated, either as the story unfolds or before the story begins? If so, get a blank sheet of paper or open a new computer file and convert those summaries into scenes of action and dialogue. You might not use them in the final draft, but you will have them ready if you decide you need them.
4.   Highlight “Telling Words.” Telling words act as red flags. When you find one in a sentence, you are probably telling readers what you want them to know, rather than showing. Telling words are felt, had, heard knew, know, looked, saw, show, thought, was, watched, were, etc. Run your word processing program’s “Find” function and search for telling words. Or scan your manuscript pages for these telling words and highlight them or circle them.
5.   As you get through some of the lessons that have been in the newsletter or on this blog, you should have a good idea of how to change telling sentences into showing sentences. The highlighted or circled words on your manuscript will help you find these week sentences when you do your final revision. See the examples below for a brief explanation of how a search for telling words can help you identify weak writing.​

A telling sentence.

     Cassie saw the bird catch its dinner.

The word saw is a telling word. It’s your clue that the sentence isn’t showing. Now, not only is this a telling sentence, it is full of vague nouns, which something we’ll cover at another time. To make it a showing sentence you might say:

     Cassie followed the bird’s descent as it plunged downward, then soared skyward with its dinner dangling from its beak.

Here is another example of telling:

Bill was tired after his run to the corner and back.

The word tired expresses a state of being and is the clue that you are telling. Other “state of being words” are happy, sad, and hungry. Here is the same sentence edited to show the action:

After he sprinted to the corner and back, Bill leaned over, put his hands on his knees, and gasped for breath.

In this revised example, we do not tell you that Bill was tired. We show you that by his actions.
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Remember that showing is part of the infrastructure of good writing. We hope most of the techniques offered through these lessons will help you learn how to draw your reader into the story by showing - not telling- how your characters act, think and speak.

​Remember, the clock is ticking. Malice is accepting submissions to the Hit Me With Your Best Shot writing competition until 11:59p May 1. 

​Submit today!

Point of View aka POV is the perspective from which the story is told. Which POV to use will depend on how you want to tell the story.

First Person POV is used when the main character narrates events using the pronouns I and me. In this POV the reader only knows what the main character knows. Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum novels are an excellent example of First Person POV.
First Person Peripheral is a supporting character telling the story, but still uses the pronouns I and me. This character is close enough to events to describe them, but distant enough to interpret their meanings. The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald is a wonderful example of this POV.

Second Person POV is when the narrator speaks directly to the reader using the pronoun you. Second person is not that common in genre fiction. It is used mostly in technical manuals and how-to books, however, Tom Robbins uses second person in his fiction and has been very successful with that point of view.

Third Person Point of View has three layers. In this POV the use of pronouns he, she, it or they are most prevalent. This POV is used in both fiction and nonfiction. It is the most flexible and widely used point of view and adds a sense of objectivity to the story as the events and facts unfold on their own. The narrator is all-seeing - the god of the story, if you will. Here is a breakdown of Third:
1. Third Person Limited - means the POV is limited to only one character's viewpoint. Similar to first person, the reader only knows what that character knows. The Harry Potter novels by JK Rowling uses this POV.
2. Third Person Multiple - allows the narrator to follow multiple characters in the story. This can be a challenge to make sure the reader knows when you are switching viewpoints. I suggest you make the switch obvious with section breaks or by starting a new chapter when switching. Game of Thrones by George RR Martin is a fine example of multiple POV.
3. Third Person Omniscient - is the most widely used POV - and if you are a new writer, I suggest starting with this point of view. The narrator knows EVERYTHING, knows things that others don't, can make comments about what's happening, and can see inside the minds of other characters. Jane Austen's books are written in this point of view so she can convey what the ensemble cast knows outside the main character.

Here are a few common POV mistakes to watch for...consistency of use - if you select a certain POV, stick to it throughout. Stay consistent.

Do not give inanimate objects a point of view.

Watch for head hopping or two POVs in one paragraph.

I hope this helps! You still have 29 days to submit your opening of 500 words or less to the Malice Compelling Openings contest. Good luck!

Kristi Bradley, President
Malice in Memphis Mystery Writers Group